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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27221506">masquerade (the lonely game we play)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/buwanainlit/pseuds/buwanainlit'>buwanainlit</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Haikyuu!!</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Aged-Up Character(s), Akaashi Keiji Is So Done, Alternate Universe, Angst, Arranged Marriage, Hurt No Comfort, Implied Sexual Content, Jealousy, Longing, M/M, Post-Break Up, Tension, Unrequited Love, crazy rich au, just a lil OOC, minor ships: osaaka &amp; bokuatsu, ok maybe theres like a crumb of comfort, resolved tension</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-27</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-06 20:21:33</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>6,389</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27221506</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/buwanainlit/pseuds/buwanainlit</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>I’ll let you in on a secret the Miya’s don’t know, these future members of their family? They’re not strangers, in fact, they know each other all too well.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Akaashi Keiji/Bokuto Koutarou, Akaashi Keiji/Miya Osamu, Bokuto Koutarou/Miya Atsumu</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>58</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Collections:</b></td><td>Haikyuu Angst Week 2020</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>masquerade (the lonely game we play)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>title inspired by the song This Masquerade of Carpenters! thanks to my parents who always sing this in the karaoke without fail</p><p>trigger warnings:</p><p>toxic family dynamics<br/>anxiety-related behavior (nausea, numbness, etc.)<br/>just poor mental health in general</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>  </p><p>“Are you ready, Keiji?” a choking emptiness comes with that question when Keiji hears it; it’s almost as if he’s a caged animal preparing to be put into a circus show. He tries to eye his tan suit and black polo from the glass windows and simply sighs.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“I don’t quite have the choice, do I, Osamu?” Keiji glares, though secretly, hoping the Miya couldn’t see it despite the small space between them in the luxurious car.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“We’re both victims here, so just accept it, alright? So that we can just get this over with,” Osamu huffs a bitter taste in his tone. He can only dream of the day when he didn’t have to put up this facade around the darker-haired boy. Osamu pats off the invisible dust from his black suit, he is getting fidgety, but he doesn’t want to show it.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Easy for you to say,” <em> you’re </em> <em> much </em> <em> less aggrieved in this situation than I am.  </em></p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>They arrive at the hotel a few minutes later without another word. Once the guests’ eyes are all over them, Keiji once again feels those invisible handcuffs as if preventing him from making any more mistakes. The stares are suffocating, but like Osamu said a billion times before, he <em> has </em>to get used to it.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Keiji winces when his fiance wraps an arm around his waist, as if any form of touch would break him at this vulnerable state. He tries his best not to show disgust when the filthy rich boy smiles at him. Nothing about this is worth smiling about. There’s not one reason to be cheerful, but it’ll cost them a lot if they couldn’t even fake a smile. Still, Keiji is not in the mood to approach <em> this </em>particular Miya with a cheery attitude. Maybe later, but not now. The show hasn’t started yet.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>A few minutes away from the event place is the other Miya, also along with his fiance. While on the ride, they try to come down from their lustful highs, almost peaking just a few moments before the limousine came to fetch them. They couldn’t show up to such a formal party with boners and messed up hair, could they?</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Koutarou laughs as Atsumu tries his best to fix his now-ruined hair, neatly styled by their hair-dresser. “This is your fault, Bo!”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>The buffer of the guys pulled the other closer in an attempt to stop him from whining. “You look better with messy hair, Tsum-Tsum.” </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Atsumu simply pouts when Koutarou gives him a lazy kiss on the cheek that never fails to make him weak. He tries his very best to keep it at that, though, considering how Koutarou almost railed him earlier, completely forgetting the fact that the party they’re going to was <em> the </em>Miya twins’ engagement party with each of their new fiances.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Have you met Samu’s fiance?”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Hmm, come to think of it, I haven’t. It’s only been a few weeks since they found someone for him, right?” The tycoon shrugs it off; he is done being mad at this setup. Just the fact that Atsumu was hot as hell and that they clicked well is enough of a justification for this fixed marriage. He is simple yet business-minded, and it’s not like he could do anything about it anyway.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Yeah, it’s also the first time everybody’s meeting him. That must be a lot. For him, I mean, since this is the first time he’s meeting the <em> whole </em> family and company at <em> this </em>engagement party.” </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Mhmm, I just hope he and Samu-Samu get along well like how we work well together, babe.” The confidence in Koutarou’s voice makes Atsumu blush. <em> He could get used to this </em>.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>The party isn’t loud nor colorful; it didn’t even shine at the very least. All there is to see is dullness, at least into Keiji’s eyes. With all the brief business talk and fake smiles, it doesn’t take some genius of a stranger to figure out that this engagement is purely for business. <em> How disgustingly selfish </em>.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Are you alright, love?” Osamu tries to coo his fiance, really the only (and quite frankly, pathetic) way he can do to help.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“God, don’t call me that.” Keiji hisses. The sound of that word seems so wrong when it rolls off of Osamu’s tongue. But then again, nothing about this whole thing is <em> right </em>.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Osamu just tries not to lose his chill because of Keiji’s hard-headedness. He completely understands why the latter is acting this way, though; if anyone has the upper-hand in this situation, it really <em> would </em>be the Miya. “Let me know if I can do anything to make you feel better, okay?”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“I can’t really ask you to put this engagement off, can I? Drop the niceties, Osamu. Let’s just deal with this professionally.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p><em> But marriage isn’t something to be handled professionally, Keiji </em>. Osamu just heaves out a sigh.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>It’s only been two weeks since they got engaged, just a few months in when they first got introduced. Osamu still hopes to climb Keiji’s high walls and break his ice-cold barrier. He assures himself that he won’t lose hope, with that image of a bright smiling Keiji from three months ago serving as his motivation. Something about how he’s never seen him smile that way shatters Osamu’s heart.<em> When will he be that happy with me? </em></p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Keiji catches a glimpse of Mr. and Mrs. Miya, making their way up to them after a friendly chat with business partners. Keiji readies himself, all his manners and facial expressions, trying his best to seem sophisticated and elegant. Not because he wanted to, though. He simply doesn’t want to put any more stains on his family name than he already has.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Keiji, dear, how are you finding the event so far? Is it to your liking? Please don’t hesitate to ask if you want to change anything, darling.” Mrs. Miya’s smiles are sickeningly sweet, almost as if she wasn’t the one who planned this demise with the heads of the Akaashis.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Ah, but I’m sure the Akaashis could do whatever they want without anyone’s help, hmm?” The Miya’s old man chuckled. <em> Well, Mr. Miya, not this Akaashi.  </em></p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Keiji suddenly has this nausea pooling in his stomach, yet he conceals it with a smile. “Yes, Sir.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Oh please, don’t be so formal, dear. You’re like our baby now!”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Ah, I’m sorr--”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Oh, speaking of babies!” Mrs. Miya’s focus shifts from the couple to another strong presence walking inside the hall. Everything around Keiji seemed to have dropped, including his heart and the weak sense that he could <em> somehow </em>work his way through this marriage.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>With every second passing and every footstep becoming relatively more audible, Keiji’s vision blurs, and his mind starts to spin on its own. There’s an almost unbearable weight in the room, and everything slowly becomes desaturated. It’s only a matter of minutes before the lack of colors becomes faint light; then, darkness is all there is. The weight of the world on his shoulders becomes the weight of the universe with all its dark matter— most of which couldn’t be understood. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Through his shaky vision, Keiji tries to eye how firm Koutarou’s hand looks on Atsumu’s waist, how the light in Koutarou’s smile bounces off the walls, and how those bright yellow eyes lingers on him for only two seconds before shifting to another focus.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Why couldn’t you hold on to me like that? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Why couldn’t you shine on me a little bit longer? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Why couldn’t you be more than a mere fleeting moment? </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Keiji started having multiple high-speed trains of thought going south, all of them filled with questions of ‘why’ and gnawing feelings of regret. <em> When did it all change </em>? </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>He is almost sure that there was a time when he couldn't see himself in the future devoid of Koutarou's constant presence beside him. Keiji suppresses his laugh at the irony, at how Koutarou will <em> surely </em>be a constant presence, not as his lover though, but a brother— a brother-in-law of sorts, to be exact.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Keiji zones back in when Osamu lightly shakes him. And suddenly, it’s Koutarou all over again; those veiny hands that are huge but still somehow smaller than his, that innocent smile, those curious eyes. Keiji swears he knew Koutarou like the back of his hand, but somehow, he can’t shake off the feeling that this isn’t the Koutarou he knew. Even though he hasn’t changed how he leaves three buttons undone in polos no matter how formal the occasion is, or how he still likes his now-black hair unruly, something in the man's eyes is different. <em> I guess everything really changed, huh. </em></p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Love, Koutarou’s been holding his hand out for nearly a minute now. Go shake it,” Osamu whispers, and that’s when Keiji’s mind comes back to the hotel hall.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Hello, Keiji! It’s nice to meet one of the Akaashis <em>finally</em> <em>wow</em>. The elite air in this room is <em>really </em>kicking in now,” Koutarou laughs as Keiji takes his hand.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>As if on a long way down, everything sinks once again.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> What an excellent f*cking liar you are, Bokuto Koutarou. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Please, you’re <em> much </em>more known, Mr. Bokuto. Though low-key, you’re one big wheel in the business world.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> I can definitely play your game, Kou. Don’t test me. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Wow, I didn’t think an Akaashi would think highly of me. Thanks, Keiji!” Koutarou simply beams. His mask of innocence seems to be enough to fool the Miyas, and it made Keiji’s blood boil.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“I expected you both to know each other already, though? How come I’ve heard rumors of you together?” Mrs. Miya tilts her head in curiosity.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“What rumors--” Keiji gets cut off by the loud-mouth.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Ah, mom, you know the business world. It’s full of flying mouths of sorts. Besides, they’re called rumors for a reason. How could I possibly be acquainted with such an elite? Samu-Samu’s a real lucky man!”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“I am,” Osamu smiles, side-eyeing Keiji as he pulls his fiance closer.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Keiji just gulps beneath the small smile he fakes for the other Miyas. There’s a mixture of disgust, anger, pain, and sadness in the pit of his stomach, and he can’t wait to be able to puke it all out.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“I see. Well, we’ll leave you lovebirds alone. Atsumu, just gather them once it’s time for dinner, honey. We’ll start once their parents arrive.” Mrs. Miya waves them off.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Ah, pardon, Mrs. Mi-- um Mom,” Keiji hesitates, but he just sucks it all up when he notices how the Miya’s mood suddenly brightened at the term. “ I don’t think my parents will be arriving tonight.” </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Really? That’s too bad. Them both being doctors really has its disadvantages. Well, how about you, Kou? Will your father be present?”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> You call not being able to attend their own son’s engagement party merely a ‘disadvantage for a doctor’? Well, that’s depressing. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Ah, yes. I think there were problems with Pop’s flight back here, though. Maybe he’ll be a little late.” the tycoon’s laid back attitude contrasted with Keiji’s somewhat restless demeanor. This makes Keiji wonder just how long Koutarou has been acquainted with this family and Atsumu. He seems to fit in well with them, as if he’s already a part of the Miyas. <em> Is this why he left? </em></p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Very well then, we’ll see you all again at dinner,” Mr. Miya gets distracted when a seemingly close business partner arrives. It seems like some sort of tension gets off of their shoulders, mostly only the twins and Koutarou, though.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"Well, it's nice to meet you, Keiji, officially! How's everything going for ya?" Atsumu tries to lift the atmosphere further because, for some reason, there's still tingling unease in the air.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"My apologies, Atsumu. Let's have this friendly chit-chat sometime later. I need to freshen up, excuse me." Keiji makes his way to the comfort room, leaving the others stunned at his rejection to Atsumu’s offer of friendship.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"Wait up, love." Keiji isn't in the mood, nor does he have the energy to stop Osamu, so he just lets him be.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>From 5 feet behind, Keiji hears Atsumu mumble. “Bo, do you really not know each other? Keiji seemed out of it because of your presence. He kept looking at you, too.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Tsum-tsum, I told you, we haven’t met each other before. How would we even meet? Our family’s businesses don’t even align.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p><em> God, Koutarou, that’s your future husband. You could at least stop lying to </em> <em> him </em> <em> . </em></p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>When Keiji subconsciously walks a little faster than needed, Osamu catches up with a hand attempting to hold his fiance’s. “Love, are you okay? You’re sweating even though it’s freezing here. Do you need me to do anything for you?”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>When Keiji hears this, his steps come to a halt. Luckily, the other couple is already out of his field of vision, so he doesn’t have to be wary of his actions. “I just-- I just need a breather, Osamu. I’m sorry.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>It’s the first time Osamu saw vulnerability in his fiance’s eyes, and it sure struck a string in his heart. Keiji, though known as polite, never once apologized despite how rudely he acted towards Osamu. <em> This is a first. Brick by brick, I might be able to break your high wall down.  </em></p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Keiji simply accepts the help his fiance offers. Whether it’s bringing little snacks over to their spot in the hall, a hand squeeze now and then, or company to anywhere but that damned ‘party,’ Keiji accepts with no banter (unlike if this were to happen another time). Keiji knew this is no time to pretend that everything was fine. After all, he’ll have a <em> lifetime </em>of doing that.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“What the hell, ‘Samu! We’ve been looking for you for 5 minutes now! You know damn well Ma and Pa hates it when somebody’s late when we have a guest.” Atsumu quietly scolds his twin as they walk towards the long table where the three families would gather.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Ah, Koutarou’s father has arrived already? Where's he, by the way?”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“He's blending in with our parents. And no, it’s your fiance’s-- Keiji, did you not know your parents were on their way?” Atsumu shifts the conversation to the now-even more restless Keiji.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“W-what?” </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Kou's with my parents? This is a f*cking disaster. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Yeah, they’ve been talking with Ma and Pa since earlier, most probably with Bo now too. It seemed like some of their appointments tonight were canceled.” As Atsumu talks, Keiji could feel the pull of two strong figures. Everything was already heavy tonight. Who knew it was even possible to drag this whole thing through hell even further?</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>He eyes Koutarou once again, curiosity and anxiety mixing in his system. <em> How will he react? He's never met my parents. Will he be furious? No, he'll probably lie straight up to their face and kiss their asses. We </em> <em> are </em> <em> Akaashis, after all. </em></p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>He is right. Keiji <em> always </em> is. He sees how Koutarou smiles brightly and radiates an innocence everyone fondly appreciates while talking to Keiji's parents. This walking ray of sunshine isn't ashamed of fooling everyone here. It's a shame that only Keiji knows how monstrous this tycoon can be.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Keiji suddenly feels a new warmth from his hands. He looked at Osamu, who was holding his hand again with a worried look in his eyes.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Are you okay?”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Well, apparently, I’ve got no choice but to suck it up.” Osamu simply sighs and squeezes the hand he’s holding with a hesitant kiss on the temples.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“We can ditch everyone here, though, love.” Hope rises in Keiji upon the proposal of the man beside him. However, when his eyes roams the room, that little optimism he has left disappeared.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“There are journalists here, Osamu. I wouldn’t want to create visible drama in front of the media.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“I’m sorry, Keiji.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“It’s not your fault.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Ah. There they are! Keiji, Osamu, darling, let’s have dinner now, shall we? Apparently, we don’t have an exact time for Mr. Bokuto’s arrival, so we can’t just let the food wait forever, right? He’ll just catch up. Fine with you, Koutarou?” Mr. Miya says as everybody makes their way to their seats. From the end of one side of the table, Atsumu sits first, followed by Koutarou, beside him is Osamu, then Keiji. On the other side of the table, the Miyas are aligned with Atsumu. There’s a space for Koutarou’s father, and then the Akaashis so that they’re aligned with Keiji.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Yes, of course, no problem.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Akaashi tries his best to keep his intake at a limit.The combination of Koutarou <em> and </em>his parents’ presence just makes him want to vomit. The variety of different anxieties was pooling in his stomach, and there’s nothing he’d like more than this night to end.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Keiji avoids any possible conversations with his parents by dodging eye contact. The parents just share small business talk throughout the meal while Koutarou and Atsumu subtly flirt on the side. Keiji looks at the slightly naughty acts the other couple does behind the table from his peripheral vision. There's a mixture of lust and love in the air surrounding. It disgusts Keiji, but not more than it pains him. Atsumu was him a few months ago; naturally an asshole, but nothing a Bokuto Koutarou wouldn't be able to size down to a sweet innocent kid. The way this couple would hold and tease each other seems like a ticket to a trip down memory lane— but Keiji won't take it.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> This is an engagement party, Keiji, don't make it your pity party. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>On the other hand, Osamu and Keiji spare no words, focusing their attention on eating and mentally preparing for possible uncomfortable situations the elder ones will put them in. Now and then, though, the chef makes sure to hold and squeeze his fiance's hand or lightly grip the latter's thigh. There's a concerned look frequently directed at Keiji from Osamu to check how the former feels. It would almost make Keiji's heart flutter <em> if </em> he could differentiate palpitation from butterflies.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“So, Keiji dear, I heard you were back in university? You’re studying for a different degree now, right?” Mrs. Miya pats the side of her lips with a napkin while speaking. Now, there’s a common topic laid at the table as everyone focuses on Keiji. This topic is full of landmines, and there’s a dancing tension in the air of trying not to go there. Everybody knew about the issues, but they stopped mentioning it in fear of the Akaashis power.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Ah yes, he majors in International Business since our family and our partners in each company believe that we have what it takes to succeed globally, and not just here in our country. We need someone from our own family to master international affairs because that’s better than hiring a stranger, don’t you think?” Keiji’s father doesn’t even give him a chance to speak. He just <em> knows </em>his parents are so afraid of Keiji making a mistake again. It’s possible that that’s also why they decided to come here despite their busy schedule.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Ah, but how do you like it so far, dear? You also work under the chairman, your grandpa, if I’m not mistaken. Is it not stressful? You're juggling work, studies, and now this wedding. How are you holding up?"</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"Keiji's a very flexible man. He can handle it; I think he's even enjoying it. Right, Son?" It was now Mrs. Akaashi's time to save his son from a waste of words. <em> Funny. They really don't trust me to say the right things. </em></p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"Now, now, let the little Akaashi speak, won't you?" Mrs. Miya teases. If Keiji were in his right mind, he'd believe that Koutarou was looking at him with concern written all over his face. But maybe that's just him… or perhaps it was only for this show.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"Ah, well, at times, it does get a bit too much. But I make sure to be able to follow the schedule my secretary sets. It’s nothing a little time management can’t handle.” Keiji smiles, though deep inside, he’s <em> so </em>tired. The expectations thrown at him feels like bricks, and he’s just trying his best to build a poorly-founded tower; in that way, he’d be able to be at the top bit by bit. He’d be alone, though, but at this point, that doesn’t seem like a bad thing.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Ah, that’s good. As expected of you, dear. How about you, Koutarou? How’s life treating you, honey?” Mrs. Miya quickly shifts her focus to non-arguably the most successful person out of the four young adults.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Ah, it’s been good. Money just keeps coming in. I’m-- we’re getting married soon, so that’s cool. I’ll be honest; I don’t know many updates, as of the moment, about the shares I have because I have someone else to take care of that. All I know is, everything’s going well for me, and Atsumu’s the best fiance I could ever ask for.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Everyone but Keiji looks at how Atsumu and Koutarou melt into each other’s smiles. They really do look perfect together. It’s evident that they click. The fact that they were just arranged for this would probably be a surprise to some. And that’s why Keiji’s hurt. That’s why Keiji’s the only one who can’t look at them even if he wanted to. He’s well-aware that no matter how much he wished he was the one arranged for Bokuto, them together wouldn’t really feel like it was the universe’s blessing. They’re more like two curses dancing with each other, clinging on to the fact that they’re the same; they understand each twist and turn, each casualty, each trouble the other brings. It’s excruciatingly dangerous, but it doesn’t change the reality that Keiji <em> still </em>yearned for it.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> I still want you so damn bad. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Koutarou really was the right choice, huh? Atsumu.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Though not directed at them, Osamu and Keiji simultaneously answers inside their heads,</p><p> </p><p>“I wish Keiji could think the same way about me too.”</p><p> </p><p>“Yes. <em> Yes </em> , Kou’s the <em> rightest </em> choice.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Atsumu smiles ever so lovingly at Koutarou before answering, “Yes, Pa, he really is.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>It takes everything for Keiji not to cry then and there. It felt pathetic- being jealous of someone for being able to speak out their thoughts- because Keiji just wants exactly that. He wants to be free. From expectations, from the chains his family put on him, from Osamu. He just wants to love Koutarou freely. No, there are no wishes for Koutarou to reciprocate it. Even from afar, Keiji just wants to love the soulmate he wishes he still had, but even <em> that's </em> taken away from him.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Everything felt so pathetic, and he just feels so helpless that he just wants to bawl his eyes out on his dinner, but he'd never do that because he's an Akaashi. And Akaashis never show weakness, <em> never </em>.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"How about you, Osamu? Even though you've just been engaged for about two or three weeks, how do you feel about Keiji?" Mrs. Akaashi momentarily stops eating to examine her son's fiance. In a second, everyone does the same, including the fiance in question.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"Keiji's an amazing guy. He's honest, hard-working, goal-oriented," Osamu lists while looking Keiji in the eyes. "And most of all, he's strong. He's an easy person to love."</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>An easy person to love.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p><em> Am I really someone like that? </em> Keiji tries to think of a time when he felt that way. He's long considered himself bad at love— his relationship with his family is enough evidence for that. Whatever he had with Koutarou was eventually a trainwreck. Other than that, he's never felt like he was an easy person to be with, especially in places where he was <em> supposed </em>to feel loved.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>So Osamu is a different, new feeling. He obviously wants to keep an indifferent mask around Keiji, yet he fails miserably. If Keiji wasn’t a wreck of a person, he'd probably feel the same way towards Osamu.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Yeah, Osamu's not a hard person to love. </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> But I still can't see him in my future. </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"Ah, I'm getting butterflies all over again! This made me remember when <em> we </em> just got engaged!" Mrs. Miya gushes in her seat, beaming at her husband. The Akaashis just smile, though. Keiji knows there's little to no love in his parents' marriage, only respect, and obligation, which is probably the reason why they think it's alright for their son to experience the same thing.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"Anyway, I know I've already asked you this individually before, but since we're all gathered right now, I'll just ask it again so we can negotiate better. The wedding will be two months away, is that alright with you?" </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"We're already starting on the preparations. Do any of you oppose the idea of a double wedding?" The Miyas initiate and carry the whole conversation. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>While the others are talking and arguing about which side of the coin would be better, Keiji is silent. <em> Is this really where my life has come? </em></p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"Hey, hey, hey, if you're thinking about a double wedding just because they're twins, stop it! Let Osamu and Atsumu have something to themselves. Even if it's just a wedding anniversary!" A strong and deep yet playful voice interrupts them. Everyone stops talking and looks up from their seats.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"Pops!" Koutarou greets his old man with a hug while the other people at the table sit excited for a change in the ever so formal air.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"Yes, hello, hey, hey… hey?" Mr. Bokuto greets everybody one by one with a cheerful smile like his son's until his eyes roam upon Keiji, who receives a questioning expression.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"Good evening, sir. Akaashi Keiji," the polite boy greets with a firm handshake and introduces himself despite the furrowed eyebrows directed at him.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"<em> The </em> Akaashi Keiji?" Mr. Bokuto stares in disbelief. From one seat away, Koutarou tries his best to sit there indifferently. He seems to be chanting something in his head to calm himself down.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"Ah, I don't believe I deserve an emphasized 'the' in my name yet. However, yes. I am Akaashi Keiji. It's nice to meet you, sir."</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"Ha! I remember you! You were the one Kou told me about!" Mr. Bokuto exclaims as if he had just finished putting all pieces of the puzzle back in their right place.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"<em> What? </em>"</p><p> </p><p>"<em> No </em>, that's not true." </p><p> </p><p>Keiji and Koutarou say in unison while the whole table just falls silent, obviously having the same question as Keiji. The denial of Koutarou only gave off more air of suspicion.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"Yeah! He's the <em> 'Akaaaashi' </em> Kou said he'd want to marry someday! What are you doing here!?"</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p><em> What </em>.</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> He wanted to marry me? </em>
</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> W-why? How? If he did, then why-- </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"He's marrying my twin, sir." Atsumu firmly states <em> the truth </em> with a blank face.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>There's a disappointed expression written in all the faces present at the table. All but Osamu and Koutarou— Osamu having more realizations; that statement of Koutarou's father really explained why his fiance acted like he did tonight. And Koutarou, well, is embarrassed for their family.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"Oh. Oh, sh*t." Mr. Bokuto curses his behavior as he sits on the seat left for him.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"E-excuse me. I suddenly need to go to the bathroom for just a second." Keiji absent-mindedly walks toward that hall's comfort room, not even hearing or seeing the reactions of those left at the table.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>His head is spinning and his heart drops so low in his body that he couldn't even feel it anymore. There are no pounding heartbeats and no anxious butterflies. Keiji simply feels hollow. He couldn't see, feel, or hear anything else but Koutarou.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>The way Koutarou would kiss him in the middle of talking about something mundane,</p><p> </p><p>Whenever there'd be times when he'd wake up to the sight of Koutarou staring at and basking in the glory of his peaceful face,</p><p> </p><p>How Koutarou would fit his hand in Keiji's and his body against Keiji's like a puzzle,</p><p> </p><p>The way Koutarou wouldn't have it rough even if he could, but instead, runs like a spoonful of honey— soft, slow, gentle, and sweet,</p><p> </p><p>Those times when he <em> could </em> get angry and leave Keiji helpless, yet he didn't,</p><p> </p><p>
  <em> Was he thinking about marrying me... in all those little moments? </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Until he did leave.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> If you thought about marrying me, then why? </em>
</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"Ji…" A haunting voice echoes throughout the supposedly empty ‘comfort’ room.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"Now that we're alone, you suddenly have the balls to call me that?" Keiji laughs through the pain of the past. That nickname in <em> his </em> voice felt so right back then, yet now, it feels like a sin.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"Why did you follow me, Kou? And here I thought you'd stay civil throughout this engagement <em> and </em> marriage." Keiji smiles bitterly as he turns to face the man that followed him despite lying to everyone's faces that they were strangers.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"Are you still affected, Keiji?"</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"God, Kou. You left <em> two f*cking months ago </em>. You're acting like it's been a f*cking lifetime." Keiji tries to keep his sanity that's barely hanging on by a thread.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"I'm engaged, Ji." Koutarou stupidly states, as if he's at loss for words.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"I'm well f*cking aware, Koutarou. I am too! Are we bragging about fiance's now? You look good together! Congratu-f*cking-lations, Kou." Keiji sarcastically claps his hands as if applauding Koutarou's idiocy. In a second, Koutarou's face changes from concern to plain anger.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“How about Osamu, huh? <em> ‘Love,’ </em> really? You’ve been engaged for what, 2 or 3 <em> weeks, </em> and he f*cking calls you <em> ‘love’ </em> ? Is this how easy you’ve become?” Koutarou’s words shoot daggers to Keiji’s heart. He never thought that <em> their </em> endearment would be trashed in <em> this </em>way.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“I didn’t f*cking want this! Have you seen a single genuine smile from me all night, huh?! No! This is all my parents’ fault. They’re f*cking up my life again. Did you not hear? They finally got a hold of me after years of hiding. Now, it’s happy back to f*cking school season to me. I can’t even go back to my studio to get our things. They’ve cut off all the money I had, and I was given a choice to become a doctor in their f*cking hospital or the CEO of one of their companies, <em> and </em>I have to work my f*cking ass off to have money in my hands. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“They’re controlling every little bit of my life just because I took up literature in college, Kou. They did this because I couldn’t be the doctor they always dreamt of having. They did this because stupid me couldn’t even write under our name and bring more glory to our actually sh*tty family. They told me I bring no significance to the Akaashis. That I’m worthless. That I shouldn't be alive if I would just be selfish.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“I can’t even write now, Kou. And now I can’t have you. I’ve lost my life.” Keiji feels so pathetic, being vulnerable like this, and to Koutarou of all people. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"I’m sorry, Ji…” Koutarou just helplessly apologizes. If there was something he could do, he’d do it in a heartbeat, but there’s nothing. He’s aware of the hidden family problems the Akaashi’s have, but seeing Keiji looking like a chained flightless bird is too much for his heart.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Why’d you leave, Kou? I needed you at that time, but you just left me, everything. My studio still has your clothes, your toothbrush; you even have laundry there. Now, everything’s just a mess. Tell me, was it Atsumu? Is it really him now? Or maybe it has been him even then?”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“I can’t do that to you, Keiji. You know that.”</p><p> </p><p><br/>“Then why did you leave?!” Keiji doesn't care if his voice is raised, and people would hear. He became deaf with the sound of his heart breaking.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Did you really think I wouldn’t leave, Ji?!” Even Koutarou couldn’t keep his anger and pain to himself, and it shows in the rise, fall, and breaking of his voice.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Keiji's furrowed eyebrows soften and he looks away, hurt evident in his eyes. <em> How stupid </em>.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"Did you really think we could end up together? Did you think I'm the 'one' and that we'd be able to have an official relationship? A happy ending? That's stupid, Keiji." Koutarou laughs sarcastically, even roughly runs his fingers through his hair in his fury.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"Aren't you the one who told his father about me? <em> Marrying </em> me, to be exact. Why are you suddenly the one who's mad now?</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"You never told me you love me, but I guess you actually really did. I just, I've been asking myself why you left, because you never really gave a reason, and I never saw in which way it went downhill. I just don't understand how it came to this, Kou." Keiji’s voice cracks. He turns his back on the love of his life, trying to stop the sobs, the tears, the visible cracking of his heart, because it <em> hurts </em>, but he can't.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"Do you remember when we first met?" Koutarou calms down, heart also breaking from the pain Keiji emits. He proceeds in his explanations, assuming Keiji wouldn't interrupt, and basks in his ever-painful silence.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"We didn't meet here, we met in another country, in a deserted place, desperately trying to run away from the life we're expected to have here. Having the same family name as tycoons was never easy, so everything went smoothly. I understand you, you understand me, and we hit it off instantly.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"In those ten months of secret rendezvous and hiding from the media, we'd often fight. Arguments are natural in dating. I’d never thought badly of it to the point of contemplating whether to leave you or not.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"But the more often we had fights, the more I realized that we cope and apologize by spoiling the other with gifts, being physically affectionate whenever we'd be able to meet, making love, and all the good and best things a man in love could ever want. You were the best, you felt like a dream come true, which is why I could really see myself marrying you. But, don't get me wrong, I love and cherish those moments I've had with you, I still do now… But that was toxic."</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"What do you mean 'toxic'? H-how was that 'toxic'?" Keiji sniffs, and it takes every bit of Koutarou to resist himself from caressing the former's face.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>"It means we like running away, Keiji. Instead of resolving fights, we’d normally just sweep things under the rug. It’ll break us. We lasted <em> that </em> long because we ran away from our problems instead of talking about them. We met because we liked running away from problems. I left the way I did because <em> I </em>like running away.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“And it made me realize that I don’t want someone to run away with. I want someone that can make me stay.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“And that’s Atsumu?” Keiji doesn’t want any more pain, but he still asks; he can’t risk living in constant why’s and how’s anymore.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“I don’t know. Like you, I’m just making things work because I can’t do anything about it.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“I hope he can make you settle down then, Kou. I love you.” Keiji slowly walks towards Koutarou though his knees are weak. He basks in the beauty of those golden eyes before he tips his toes a little to give Koutarou a kiss on top of his head. “This’ll be the last time.”</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p><em> And I guess this is the proper goodbye. </em>As if karma had slapped him, Koutarou’s heart once again shatters at the sight of Keiji’s back, walking away.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Little did they know, the twins followed them in hopes of preventing a possible fight that would happen and to get at least some context on what the hell was happening. They surely didn’t expect <em> this, </em>though.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>Atsumu takes it badly. He was falling in love with Koutarou, and he’d never expect that his ball of sunshine, his happy pill, the rising light of his life would ever lie to him. He thought Koutarou was starting to really fall for him, but now, it’s pretty clear that he still hasn't been able to move on from ‘Samu’s fiance. He can’t believe there was something like this happening in his family and that his and his twin’s fiance intended to keep it a secret. </p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Where are you going, ‘Tsumu?!” Osamu panics, being in the midst of this mess was tearing him apart.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Go deal with <em> that </em>. I’ll be the dumbass people expect me to be and just pretend I didn’t hear anything.” As Atsumu walks away, he points at the door where the ex-lovers were. Keiji comes out crying, one hand supporting his body to keep him from collapsing, the other clutching his chest. It broke Osamu’s heart.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Keiji? Love, hold on to me.” Osamu instructs, and Keiji’s too weak to decline.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“You heard it, ‘Samu?” Keiji whispers through his hiccups.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Yes, love. Don’t worry; you can cry on me. I shooed all the journalists away.” Osamu caresses and draws circles on Keiji’s back to help him calm down. He wants to do more for him, because such a loveable person like Keiji didn’t deserve all this pain.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“Love, do you want me to stop the wedding? I’ll do it, for you. It’s okay.” When his fiance says that after his breaths finally become normal again, Keiji puts both his hands on Osamu’s shoulder, and looks at him dead serious.</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>“No, ‘Samu. The wedding will go on. Atsumu will make him happy; it’s okay.” A stray tear leaves Keiji’s eyes. And Osamu can feel his heart breaking, not because of empathy though, but of envy. <em> He’s going to keep doing this for him, huh? </em></p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>They start to head back to the dinner table after quite a while. Osamu is thinking about excuses for coming back late. Atsumu is mentally preparing himself as the table was about to discuss pushing through with the wedding, for he <em> still </em>wanted to marry the liar. Koutarou numbs himself with his bright smiles for the millionth time today. While Keiji only had one thing in mind,</p><p>
  <br/>
  <br/>
</p><p>
  <em> Let’s just dance in this masquerade for the rest of our lives.</em>
</p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p><p> </p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>this is my first ever ao3 fic and i'd really appreciate some comments and kudos if you liked it! also, thank you /so/ much to ao3 users fukuronami &amp; protagonists who beta-read this and helped with the fic's structure/errors t-t go check their works out and leave a kudos!!!</p><p>thank you so much for reading!</p><p>love, nain.</p></blockquote></div></div>
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